My distress and disappointment at work has led me to work on not letting them getting in my way again. I became more relaxed, going with the flow. Having most of my burden at work taken away, I resolved to writing again during my free time in the office. Just a couple of days ago, I was so full of ideas on what to write, pouring out some of them onto Facebook and here, on this blog. I didn’t realise, however, that writing and sharing on Facebook would harm me!
After two or three years deactivating my Facebook account, I decided to come back online because I had intended to do some online businesses. I thought Facebook would be a good means of marketing my products, in addition to the blog websites I was enthusiastically working on. Nevertheless, since my businesses were all in preliminary stage of product research and information gathering, I had nothing to promote about yet. So, I started sharing wisdoms that were inspired to my heart, hoping that others would benefit from it.
Not long that I realised, sharing my inspiration wasn’t such a great idea after all! I realised I was expecting others to comment or like my writings. After Day 1, I began to wonder why no one had voiced out their opinion nor thanked me for sharing my inner wisdom. “Maybe they haven’t read my notes,” I tried to be positive. In my heart I was so sure that what I had written was good that some friends would have liked it. Little did I know that I had actually fallen into the same trap for the second time.
On Day 3, my husband asked why he couldn’t see my notes broadcast on his page. He suggested me to purposely share them so that others would know. So I hurriedly shared them and checked with my husband if he had seen them on his page. His positive response had once again brought me to vanity, “Perhaps now people would read, comment and like my writing.”
I kept checking my Facebook every now and then for anyone to respond to my notes, but no one had seemed to show any interest. “Was my writing too trivial for the group of audience I was targetting? Was it not a good enough literary work?”, all sorts of negative thoughts came through my mind.
One night, I happened to listen to a sohbet – a learning session conducted by a Sufi master – given by Mawlana Shaykh Hisham Kabbani, one of my masters in the Naqshbandi tariqah. In some part of his discourse that night, his teaching hit me in right to the heart. He was reminding the audience on the danger of sharing whatever inspired to the heart to public or group of friends, especially without authorisation from the masters. On the surface, it may seem as if we have shared it for others to benefit. However, hidden deep inside is actually a desire to be acknowledged, admired, and even praised, only the masters of the heart would know!
Sharing inspiration in itself has unknowingly rewarded us with an extra ounce of pride and a drop of boost to the ego. It pets the “I” in us to even grow bigger. Even more when people starts to comment and praise our topic and delivery, how much pride would have been added to our egoistic self? Without realising it, humility will be slowly but surely be taken of us, and evil wins.
Another wise man used to say that if we do it – sharing our inspiration – for the sake of God, simply due to a divine drive, for the like of sharing, without any hidden motives, our soul will not be endangered. However, I personally have come to realise that hidden motives are actually not easy to recognise. They usually wrap themselves in beautiful clothes of nobility; yet, what’s rotten inside will still eventually disseminate foul smell.
Contemplating on Mawlana’s reminder, I am now in confusion as to whether it’s safe enough for me to write on public platform such as Facebook or blog, especially when I am aware of the danger. Is it better to continue writing but without sharing it to friends or public? On one hand, I’m so tempted writing and sharing my ideas again. While on the other hand, I was flustered of being disobedient student, who still does what she likes even after being warned. After all, my masters know best what is in my heart.
Worrying of the impact public sharing could have brought to my spirituality, I decided to only write on Facebook when I know for sure that my intention is clear, only for Allah sake. Other than that, when I feel like writing, I’d post on this blog, which I doubt many would read, God-willing, insya Allah!